You’re trying to get to the truth about what led to your separation. What part, if any, did you play in breaking the relationship, and what you can do going forward to avoid reliving your mistakes? Here are some more tools/resources that you can use to move beyond the limiting “just so” stories that you’ve been telling yourself.
1. Talk to an attorney.
Attorneys are not therapists. But they see many, many different divorces and types of reactions that people have to the divorce process. They can help you contextualize what you are going through and make more responsible decisions.
2. Try this exercise in your journal.
Test your “just so” story by working it through in your journal. First, write down what you believe is true. Then, ask yourself questions about the event, such as:
- Are there alternative explanations for this story that I might not be considering?
- If I asked someone who outside of my marriage to explain whether I am right or whether I am missing something, what would that person say and why?
- What led to the event? (For instance: why did my husband cheat on me with his secretary? Or why did my wife play so fast and loose with the finances?)
By working through these ideas, you’ll be far more likely to understand your situation and also to avoid confusion.
3. Give yourself some time and space.
In modern America, we want everything as fast as we can, all the time. But sometimes, it takes space and distance – emotionally and physically – to understand what happened in a particular relationship.
Of course, when it comes to the actual legal aspects of your divorce or child custody negotiation, you don’t want to take too much time or space. Call the Toussaint Law Firm, PC immediately to schedule a free and confidential consultation about your possible options.