What are some common “just so” stories that people tell themselves when getting divorced or going through rough child custody negotiations? How can those stories potentially damage your case or negotiating power?
Here are two:
1. “It was all (or mostly) his/her fault.”
Perhaps your spouse cheated on you or committed a crime. Or maybe he managed his money very poorly and put your family into debt. You can enumerate dozens (hundreds?) of things he did wrong or screwed up. You might be objectively accurate. But you might simultaneously be overlooking how you contributed to the relationship’s end. This information is important to know, because you want to present an accurate, believable picture of the relationship to the judge and/or to any arbitrators.
2. “The marriage was destined to fail for XYZ reason.”
It can be psychologically useful to paint the divorce with the patina of “inevitability.”
If the relationship was “doomed to fail, no matter what,” then nothing you could have done would have stopped the divorce. So your current situation therefore seems acceptable. This thinking can be soothing and can prevent regrets. But it can be dangerous, because it can blind to you certain realities of what happened in your marriage and thus make it more challenging for you to get positive outcomes regarding child custody, alimony, visitation, etc.
How can you get past your just-so stories and make better decisions? Contact the team here at Toussaint Law Firm, PC for a free and thorough consultation about your next steps.