Life has been pretty rocky, ever since you and your spouse initiated the divorce or separation process. Even if you chose to split up, because you can no longer stand your spouse’s bad behavior or ineffective parenting, you feel some misgivings about the end of the relationship, as well as anxiety and confusion about what the next steps should be for you and for your children, if you have any.
In the midst of this emotional chaos, you might find yourself focusing on the negative. If you listen to what you’re saying to yourself throughout the day, you might become aware of the following self-talk:
- “Why does this keep happening to me?”
- “There he (or she) goes again.”
- “My child is acting just like him/her – I can’t believe it. Ugh!”
- “Where will I ever find the money to send the kids to school?”
- “I’m so jealous of my brother, because his marriage is working, and he doesn’t have to go through all this awfulness.”
You might not consciously be aware of these thoughts. But if they come to constitute the background noise of your mind, they can cause damage and lead to depression, anxiety and inactivity. To fight back, practice the art of giving gratitude in a very structured way. At the end of every day, write down in a journal (or computer file) three or four things that happened to you during that day that made you feel grateful.
For instance, maybe you hugged your child and felt good. Or maybe you just got through the day without breaking down at work. As you write down these things, spend time trying to recall the feelings of happiness and love that you felt during those moments. If you do this simple strategy day after day, week after week, research strongly suggests that you will feel happier, more resilient and more capable of taking positive action.
For legal assistance with your child custody or divorce situation, call the Toussaint Law Firm, PC, right now to schedule a free consultation.