Once you’re able to connect with your own needs, the process of healing can begin. However, going through divorce can be a surprising and gut wrenching experience, even after you feel like you’ve “figured everything out.”
For instance, to continue with our example from our last post, let’s say that your spouse had an affair, violating your needs for trust and connection. After releasing the blame and focusing instead on your own unmet needs, you slowly start to rebuild. For instance, in an effort to meet your need for companionship, you go out and reconnect with friends from college or high school or even start dating again. But then let’s say you receive news that your ex-spouse has started dating the person that he or she cheated on you with. Now what?
This “betrayal” can test you even more, and you might feel thrown off your “empathy game” yet again. The recovery process remains the same: try to identify your unmet needs and seek to meet them instead of wasting time and energy blaming or shaming your spouse.
Appreciate that the process will be an ongoing one: you will have lapses and setbacks. Don’t be deterred. The healing process is not something that’s going to happen overnight. Even if you go through the exercises we’ve discussed, you won’t wake up tomorrow feeling “totally over it” and ready to move on with your life.
That said, if you keep refocusing on the process – trying to meet your needs and examining any feelings of blame and anger through an empathetic lens, over time, you’ll be more likely to find success and live a happier life.
For help with building an effective legal case, call the team here at the Toussaint Law Firm, PC today for a consultation.