Once you have fixed the emotional rupture with your family member, you want to prevent problems from surfacing again – or at least minimize such problems.
Obviously, we are only human. Be kind and compassionate with yourself, if/when you revert to bad habits or say or do things you don’t mean. One fascinating tool that can help to protect the progress you’ve made is the “if/then” tool. The way this works is simple: identify behaviors, feelings or actions that trigger problems in your relationships. Once you’ve identified a trigger, then build “if/then” statements, so you can “pre think” your responses to key triggers.
For instance, let’s say that you tend to snap at your children when you haven’t slept that much. You might build the following trigger: “IF I notice that I feel sleepy and groggy, THEN I will immediately take a nap as soon as possible, so I don’t wind up snapping at my kids.”
You can create if/then statements for your most common triggers and then implement and revise them, as need be. Many people use the same approach to prevent drunk driving. For example: “IF I make a decision to go out to a party, THEN I will absolutely call a cab when I am done.”
Once these if/then statements are preset, you don’t have to use your conscious brain to “control” yourself during times of emotional and physical stress.
All that said, you don’t want to try to finesse everything on your own. You need help to get through your complicated situation. To that end, please call the Toussaint Law Firm, PC immediately for a free case evaluation, so that you can get the insight you need to make progress.