Once you’re ready to start looking for new relationships after a divorce, how should you approach the situation? You might have been out of the dating scene for 2 years or 20 years. In either event, you may fear that “the rules” have changed. Or maybe your situation is complicated because you have children who need your attention. Questions abound:
- Do you want to date someone who has children and who has been divorced?
- Should you try to meet people through friends and family members?
- Should you use a dating service?
- Should you “just let things happen”?
The options can be overwhelming. Here’s a good strategy for how to process the possibilities. Imagine if you delegated your entire “dating process” to someone in your life – a friend, a matchmaker, etc. What instructions would you give that person? Brainstorm on a piece of paper, such as a journal or computer Word file. Come up with about 12 to 15 rules that you would give to that person about what to do and what not to do in terms of “setting you up.” For instance, these rules might be along the lines of:
- Don’t set me up with anyone like my ex;
- Find me someone who is between 35 to 50 years old;
- Don’t find me anyone who is looking for an intense, long term relationship;
- I don’t want to write an extensive dating profile or do a lot of work right now – so keep it simple, or don’t bother me with it;
Once you finish this list, you will have done yourself a tremendous service. You can use this list to guide your choices as you go forward. Reflect on this list of values whenever you want to make a choice about a dating situation. Does online dating sound appealing? Rather try to figure it out from scratch, just check your list of values — see for yourself.
Of course, dealing with the divorce process itself is much more complicated. To that end, call the Toussaint Law Firm today for a free and confidential assessment of your case.